Somewhere in 1947, my great great grandmother decided that it was time for the eldest son (21) in the family, my grandfather, to be married. The families conspired in no time and he was soon face-to-face with his 13 year old bride, my grandmother. On June 11, they were married in what the rest of the world calls an arranged marriage and lived a healthy marriage for 64 years, up until recently my grandmother passed on.
Although my story, and that of many others in my generation, varies greatly from this one, we all seem to converge on one thing, the traditional wedding, which has changed little. Whether with blinders on or with a sense of pride, people express great passion in upholding the structural integrity of the traditional wedding, which is architected to appease all the relevant Gods while keeping the pre-teen bridal couple amused and entertained.
Not wanting to ever do something without reason, I attempted to glorify my own wedding with some understanding of its significance.
Very roughly, these are the significant parts of my wedding.
VaraPooje: The wedding begins the evening before, (tomorrow at 7 pm), with a formal welcome to the groom's family. Then, the parents of the bridal couple sit down with a priest and draw out a 'Lagna Patrika' (wedding document) with details on each others' lineage, horoscopes and the intent of betrothal. In hardcore arranged marriages, this event didn't require the bride and groom to be present at all, but modern day weddings do allow for the luxury.
The next day is the main wedding day. The 'muhurtha' (auspicious time) determines the schedule for the day, mine being from 7:30-8 am. However, the chronology of the following events are most often invariant.
Gowri Pooje: The bride begins her day at 6 am with a religious offering to Goddess Gowri, considered an ideal wife as well as a woman of solidarity. This event is also supposed to be the bride's very first vratha, ie, her first independently undertaken religious practice.
Kashi Yatre: While the bride is diligently performing Gowri Pooja, the groom is planning a getaway.
The Kashi Yatra is a pre-wedding enactment, often performed mechanically, where the groom, having noticed that his elders aren't expressing much interest in finding him a bride, innocuously feigns indignation and throws a tantrum, threatening to take up a pilgrimage to Kashi and forever rejecting the life of a family man. Alarmed by his rebellion and fearing losing an eligible bachelor in the community, the bride's father (my dad) comes forth and offers his daughter's hand in marriage if only he quits his resolve to run away.
It might be confusing that this happens after the LagnaPatrike has been drawn but my presumption is that the elders who came up with this tradition didn't really bother to tell their children that they had been bethrothed until such an incident happened.
Jeerge and Akki Dhare: The groom is then brought to the altar where a curtain awaits. The bride's maternal uncles then bring her out from her room to the other side of the curtain such that both the groom and the bride can see each others' feet but not their faces. Maternal uncles are considered to be a young girl's most trustworthy male friends, and hence, it is assumed that she will gladly accept their directions to befriend this new guy who is to be her husband.
The bride and groom now play a game where each clutches onto a handful of cumin seeds and jaggery. At some point, the curtain is lowered abruptly as directed by the priest; the first one to fling the handful at the other's forehead 'wins'. At this adrenalin-charged moment, the bride and groom see each other for the first time. The continue to play this game, but this time, they use rice instead of cumin and jaggery; they don't really compete as much as get an opportunity to inspect each other.
Kanya Daana: The bride and groom come closer in proximity as the day progresses. Now, they cup their hands and stack it on top of the other. A coconut is placed on top of it along with an idol that the parents of the bride worship. This is the point where the parents relinquish their daughter to the groom's family. My dad says that this is where my mom will cry.
Now, the elders of both families surround the bride and groom, and draw a ball of thread round and round. This signifies that the bride and groom are under the patronage of their families together. This thread is then folded and along with a woolen thread, tied to the hands of the bride and groom to be maintained for the rest of the wedding.
Tying of the Mangal Sutra: The groom then ties the mangalsutra (sacred thread) around the brides neck. The bride is supposed to wear this Mangasutra for the rest of her married life.
Bandhana: The bride's veil and the groom's veil are tied to each other as they prepare to take their sacred seven steps, the event that legally marks them as husband and wife.
Saptapadi: In the presence of fire, the bride and the groom take seven steps. The groom puts a toe ring onto the bride's toes, another insignia of a married woman.
Bhooma: Lunch is finally served for the newlyweds and their parents. The newly weds eat from the same plate, and feed each other in the presence of various members of the family. The groom is given some room for playfulness - he grabs his mother-in-law's hand and coaxes her to say the name of her husband aloud, which she does bashfully.
Hennu Oppsodu and Mane Tumbskolodu : The bride's parents prepare to transport the bride to her new home with her husband and his parents while the groom's parents prepare to accept the bride into their home.